My non-advice advice.

My non-advice advice to a friend who has recently endured a devastating loss:


I am not usually one to give advice in times like this. It is not my place or my right to tell others what to do or what to think. But, unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there who will do just that - who will try to cheer you up or point out the silver lining or encourage you to think positively, and to that I say:

Fuck that.

I'm sorry if that seems harsh and I know that people are well meaning and just want to see their loved ones happy, but though they may be able to sympathize, they can never understand the exact process that you are going through and they don't have the right to dictate the manner in which should be going through it.

Right now, you don't need to stay positive.

You don't need to look on the bright side.

You don't need to think about the future or be reminded of how fortunate you are.

You don't need to offer your pain and suffering up to a higher power because your emotions are not bad or wrong or selfish.

They are normal. 

And you are normal. 

I am sure that with time and space you will heal and move forward in positivity and light because that is who you are, but you don't need anyone demanding this of you before you are ready. You will decide when the time is right.

And until that time, I hope that you feel able to do whatever it is that you need to do and to feel whatever it is that you need to feel in this moment and every moment, all the while knowing that you are surrounded by love.

- A -