Frida.

1 month.

How do you prepare for parenthood? You take the classes, read the books, and buy the stuff. But the truth is that nothing can really make you ready for what is to come.

What a cliché it would be to say that having a baby has been "life altering". What an understatement. I would suggest that, in many ways, "life consuming" might be more accurate.

The last month has seemed, for me, less like stepping up into a new role and more like falling down through a rabbit hole into an alternate reality, where time and logic have ceased to exist and every day is opposite day. This experience has been less like fitting a missing piece into a puzzle and more like redecorating an entire room to coordinate with a sofa that we just couldn't say "no" to. Or maybe like reading a "choose your own adventure" story where, when you reach the end, no matter which path you took, you are forced to acknowledge that you were never really in charge to begin with.

Some days have felt impossible. The challenge of reconciling who I used to be with who I must be now was, still is at times, overwhelming to the point of actual despair. Then thinking this makes me feel selfish and guilty and unworthy of the little life that has been entrusted into our care.

But this is only one moment. 

And in the next one, I find myself overpowered by emotions that I never knew existed and unable to imagine a life without her. Barely able to remember before. Not wanting to look beyond right here and now. Because in that moment the world is perfect like it never has been before and never can be again. And she is everything.

Thank you Frida for coming into our lives. We are so unbelievably grateful for you. I can't see ahead to know what the next few months will be like, but I am comforted by the knowledge that we are on this wild ride together. 

Frida Rose Grinter
December 21st 2017

❤